Wanna see a magic trick?

Your correspondent is going to show you a real, authentic, awesome magic trick. Ready? K. But first like any magic trick, we need a bit of a set-up.

So to begin with, think about God. What is your position about God? Are you a Christian? If so what denomination? Or a Muslim, Jew, Jain, Zoroastrian? Are you an atheist? Are you an agnostic? Just think about it for a while.

Ok, focus on your position about God for a moment.

Now, change it. Change your mind about God, just now. If you're a Catholic, become a Protestant. If you're a Protestant, become a Muslim. If you're a Sunni, become a Shia. If you're an atheist, become a... I don't know, pick something. Say, Alawite. And if you're an agnostic, just make up your mind already.

K, I'll give you a minute to make the change.

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<Theme of Jeopardy>

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Ready? K.

Ok, so did you actually change your mind about God?

No you didn't. Don't even lie. I know you didn't just suddenly change your mind about God in the last minute just because I told you to.

But now what if I told you you're a reactionary cultist brain-dead smug ignorant cross-sucking hyprocrite moron douchebag and most likely a useless cunt to boot? Now try changing your mind about God. See if that helps. I'll wait.

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<Theme of Jeopardy>

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So? Did it work this time? I bet it worked. Did it work? Huh? Huh? Did it?

Still not, eh. Dang. I was so sure it would work.

Ok now think of some issue that is very important to you. Like say, burqas. Or gay marriage. Or Obamacare. You got 99 problems? Pick one that you're passionate about. You can share it with everyone in the comments if you want, but you don't have to.

Ok, ready?

Good.

Now change your mind about your issue. In 3... 2... 1...

Ta-da!

That worked, right? You've changed your mind about your issue?

No? Are you kidding me? That's insane shit.

Ok, whatever. Now just think for a minute why you didn't just change your mind.

And now for the grand finale of my magic trick. Ready? I'm a' read your mind now.

<drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrolllllllllllllllll>

Here's what you just thought: "because I'm right".


Pretty cool trick, eh? I think so too myself.

And the moral of this magic trick is, next time you're trying to change someone's mind about some issue that they're passionate about, try to remember that you couldn't change your mind when you tried. Why? "Because I'm right."